The End Is Nigh!!!

As we approach the end of the world, just over 4 months away now, I want to reflect on a few things that prove it’s time to give up on life like the Thessalonians and mooch off those who were too ignorant to see the end coming.
The End Is Nigh

First, we know the world is ending on December 21, 2012 because…..well because how could a 5000 year old Mayan calendar be wrong? I mean seriously, you can’t question that. It’s old an mystic; it has to be right. Its the same principle that causes every Japanese “as seen on TV” item to be totally awesome and worth 50 easy payments of 2.99, so I can detox by entire body out of my feet. Makes perfect sense. They have been doing it for for a thousand years, it has to work.

Secondly, Bible prophecy clearly tells us that the end is near. How can we explain the mass amounts of certified Bible experts telling us so? Great minds like Irvin Baxter, Harold Camper, the entire Watchtower Association, and every southern Baptist within the Bible belt in America. As far as I’m concerned, were done!

Third, it is the only solid resolution to the climax of the historic story. Think about it! Science is rapidly taking over the minds of civilization all over the world, and just as the evil science and his legion lead by Hawkins is right about to assume victory God comes and and wipes everyone out Old Testament style. I’m talking plagues, darkened sky, boils, the whole bit. It’s the only thing that makes cinematic sense. If you are a good Christian and American I am sure you can see my logic.

Who has plans to build a bomb shelter to try living in the post-Apocalypse world? I am working on a bunker as we speak.

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