If you went to a Catholic school, Christian school, or your parents were awesome enough to home school you, then you already know whats about to happen here. This is the top 10 list of the absolute worst Christian
torture devices clothing pieces or trends in the Christian world.
10. Jesus, the original Super Man T-shirt
#10 is more of a runner up. In fact, it’s only on the list because I thought 9 was a bad number for a list.
“Nevertheless, I have a few things against you” (Rev 2:14).
This gem of a shirt is supposed to remind people that Jesus is the original super hero. Not just any super here but THE Super Man. Which isn’t a bad idea…..after all Jesus was the first to defy gravity and walk on water! But like many bad things, its just a good thing with poor execution.
I don’t want to criticize this poor fella too much but it seems like maybe they could have gotten a more appealing model and at least iron and straighten the shirt before modeling it. Maybe I am too OCD but please fix the right (his left) sleeve! And what font is that? Is that Comic Sans? And why is only “erman” underlined?
May I make a suggestion for a better execution of this idea?
9. Repent or perish T-shirts
This really doesn’t even need an introduction. One look and you can see why these shirts have made the list.
This shirt clearly states the gospel in it’s simplest terms. Turn or burn!!
The terrible thing about the repent or perish shirt is that it’s not an outlier…. it’s a trend. A trend that needs to repent AND perish.
For more awful T-shirts, visit this fella’s blog http://defendingcontending.com/2009/09/13/the-60-worst-christian-t-shirts-ever/.
8. These dresses…. from http://liliesapparel.com/
This is where things get real. First off, what century are these dresses from?
I am not against modest dresses. In fact, I approve modest clothing. However, dressing modest does not mean that the clothes have to be 16th century styles. I am sure they are all lovely Christian ladies but we need to have a serious conversation about what century it is. To be fair, not all the dresses look like they are from the Medieval period. A few of them are actually quite nice. The mother in the first picture looks like a professional modern woman. I’d hire her. The girl on the far right in the last picture looks like she is in a normal dress.
7. The float dress
I have seen these dresses my whole life and I did not realize they had a name until now…. the float dress. My poor sister was both tortured and photographed wearing these dresses as a child. I don’t think she’s over yet. Although, the little girl in the picture is quite cute.
Apparently a float dress is a dress that you can make at home. Which is convenient because I am pretty sure they stopped selling these in stores in the 1850’s. Perhaps a nicely done dress might be cute on a child….. but I rarely see it happen.
6. Anything by Love Sportswear (the Nike is evil clothing line)
This particular clothing line does not just make the list because it’s ridiculous, but because the creator of the clothing line is so crazy that even his apparel wreaks of psychotic musk. For starters, Charles Hubbard condemns anyone that wears Nike apparel. Why would someone do this, you ask? Simple. Nike is the name of a Greek god/goddess…..at least according to Hubbard. For anyone who actually knows Greek, they can tell you that the root of the word just means “victory.” Many years after that word already existed mythology created a god that went by the name Nike. As you might have already guessed, he was the god of victory.
But here is where things get crazy. Charles Hubbard, being completely nuts, created an entire clothing line and website dedicated to declaring Nike is a demonic brand and anyone who wears it worships the devil.
Sure, that sounds perfectly reasonable to us as well. His “Tim Tebow worships Satan” website is no longer active, but his famous words have been saved for your pleasure on the inter-web :)
There is a demonic presence with Nike and a temptation that many Christians and non-Christians find hard to resist… some even plead their case to wear Nike… even though it honors the goddess Nike of Paganism… a false religion clearly opposing the One True God and the truth of Christianity.
Because it is demonic… it encourages evil like hero-worship, arrogance, obsession, detestable idolatry and even sex.
These evil messages can be seen repeatedly in Nike advertising.
Wait a sec….did he just say that Nike encourages sex? Hey that explains a lot about professional athletes!! Lets hear some more of what this great prophet has to say.
Tim Tebow tries to benefit from honoring the name of the pagan goddess Nike AND benefit from honoring the name of Jesus Christ – promoting both evil AND good.
Before I share more about Nike, I want to let you know that God has been blessing this site in a huge way! On January 31, 2012, this site totaled a record high of 1,446 VISITORS IN JUST ONE DAY without spending a penny on advertising! Those are incredible numbers!
I am glad his website is doing so well with that 1,446 visitor rampage!! He is going to have to upgrade his server soon. For more of his shenanigans, visit http://www.christiansagainstnike.com. You will notice that all his websites are now stripped and have no content. He used to don great posts on how evil Tebow is and how the halftime show in hell will be HOT!
But wait, there is more!!
The 316 yards he threw in Playoff Game 1 was no accident. He was strengthened by Jesus Christ to show Tebow and the world the blessings that come from honoring the 1st Commandment and not honoring the pagan goddess Nike!
Tim Tebow’s terrible performance in Playoff Game 2 in which he was injured was to show Tebow and the world the curse that comes to those who break the 1st Commandment and honor the pagan goddess Nike. Christ did not strengthen Tebow in that game!
This is all for real folks. Charles Hubbard actually spoke/wrote all these words! I don’t know about you, but I am itching to get me some Love Sportswear. If only he had an order form on any of his websites. Seriously, there is not place to order this junk. How is he going to turn those 1,446 visitors into cash visits without actually selling his product?
5. Fine linen dresses by Lydia of Purple (lydiaofpurple.com)
As of August 12, 2019 it appears that the website for lydiaofpurple has been either hacked or abandoned and redirects to pornographic content. The hyperlinks have been removed from this post until further notice.
Lydia was a lady in the Bible who dealt and sold fine purple linens (Acts 16:11-15). The talented women at lydiaofpurple.com have lovingly recreated these fine designs. With your hard earned money you can bypass the shopping mall and get some of outfits.
As I stated earlier, can we please get modest clothing that wasn’t worn by Martin Luther’s mother?
Jumpers are maybe the most confusing piece of clothing in existence. First, no one actually wants to wear a jumper. But for some reason they are still mandated in the dress code of many catholic schools. I am not against dress codes….but sometimes dress codes need to be updated to at least the 1950’s. Here is why…..
We like to think that Catholic schools dress their girls like Brittany Spears…..the picture above is the sad reality for many Catholic schools. Ask yourself; have you ever seen a person wearing one of these voluntarily? Of course not. No one wants to wear these. Yet, hundreds of thousands of girls each year are forced to wear these jumpers.
This is not a joke. People are actually wearing this stuff. Not only that, but you can buy them on the Internet. However, like the jumpers in Catholic school, these are usually worn by kids forced to we are them, not by consenting adults.
If you thought that bloomers were bad, may I introduced you to culottes?
The thing about culottes is that they are still mandatory at some Christian schools for girls to wear….assuming they are allowed to wear anything that isn’t an ankle-length skirt. These schools are usually affiliated with Bob Jones curriculum or Pensacola Christian College. Many Baptist schools still adopt this style. These school usually are called ACE (Accelerated Christian Education) schools because they use the ACE curriculum to teach their students.
ACE schools are so fundamental (or just mental?) that they have websites and clubs dedicated to ACE survivors!
1. Culotte Swimwear
The culottes are pretty awful, but you ain’t seen nothing until you’ve seen culottes swim wear. There is nothing I can say to make these images more ridiculous then they already are. To be fair, I would rather see a girl in culotte swimwear then in a bikini.
I really wanted to find more of this and was fairly successful but ran into a lot of protected photos. For your amusement you can visit http://www.dressingforhisglory.com/swimwear/swim-culottes/junior-lined-swim-culottes.html