Top 10 Worst Christian Fashions And Clothing

If you went to a Catholic school, Christian school, or your parents were awesome enough to home school you, then you already know whats about to happen here. This is the top 10 list of the absolute worst Christian torture devices  clothing pieces or trends in the Christian world.


10. Jesus, the original Super Man T-shirt

#10 is more of a runner up. In fact, it’s only on the list because I thought 9 was a bad number for a list.

“Nevertheless, I have a few things against you” (Rev 2:14).

This gem of a shirt is supposed to remind people that Jesus is the original super hero. Not just any super here but THE Super Man. Which isn’t a bad idea…..after all Jesus was the first to defy gravity and walk on water! But like many bad things, its just a good thing with poor execution.

 

Jesus the original superman
T-shirt available in a full range of overweight dad sizes…. myself included

I don’t want to criticize this poor fella too much but it seems like maybe they could have gotten a more appealing model and at least iron and straighten the shirt before modeling it. Maybe I am too OCD but please fix the right (his left) sleeve! And what font is that? Is that Comic Sans? And why is only “erman” underlined?

 

May I make a suggestion for a better execution of this idea?

Jesus the original superman


9. Repent or perish T-shirts

This really doesn’t even need an introduction. One look and you can see why these shirts have made the list.

 

repent or perish
Jesus loves you!! But you will die in eternal hell-fire if you don’t repent. Let this flaming skull be a warning to you!

This shirt clearly states the gospel in it’s simplest terms. Turn or burn!!

The terrible thing about the repent or perish shirt is that it’s not an outlier…. it’s a trend. A trend that needs to repent AND perish.

repent or perish shirts
Repent or perish shirt samplings.

For more awful T-shirts, visit this fella’s blog http://defendingcontending.com/2009/09/13/the-60-worst-christian-t-shirts-ever/.


8. These dresses…. from http://liliesapparel.com/

This is where things get real. First off, what century are these dresses from?

lillies apparel
No caption necessary.

 

compilation of dressed
Good Lord, why!?

 

Various modest dresses
Keep in mind, these are pretty risky pieces of clothing …. if your Amish.

I am not against modest dresses. In fact, I approve modest clothing. However, dressing modest does not mean that the clothes have to be 16th century styles. I am sure they are all lovely Christian ladies but we need to have a serious conversation about what century it is. To be fair, not all the dresses look like they are from the Medieval period. A few of them are actually quite nice. The mother in the first picture looks like a professional modern woman. I’d hire her. The girl on the far right in the last picture looks like she is in a normal dress.


7. The float dress

I have seen these dresses my whole life and I did not realize they had a name until now…. the float dress. My poor sister was both tortured and photographed wearing these dresses as a child. I don’t think she’s over yet. Although, the little girl in the picture is quite cute.

Float Dress
Look into her eyes…. there is a reason why she’s not smiling.

 

Float dress
I wonder if I can use my old curtain set for this design….

Apparently a float dress is a dress that you can make at home. Which is convenient because I am pretty sure they stopped selling these in stores in the 1850’s. Perhaps a nicely done dress might be cute on a child….. but I rarely see it happen.


6. Anything by Love Sportswear (the Nike is evil clothing line)

love sportswear
Because Jesus loved barely clothed chicks in spandex.

This particular clothing line does not just make the list because it’s ridiculous, but because the creator of the clothing line is so crazy that even his apparel wreaks of psychotic musk. For starters, Charles Hubbard condemns anyone that wears Nike apparel. Why would someone do this, you ask? Simple. Nike is the name of a Greek god/goddess…..at least according to Hubbard. For anyone who actually knows Greek, they can tell you that the root of the word just means “victory.” Many years after that word already existed mythology created a god that went by the name Nike. As you might have already guessed, he was the god of victory.

But here is where things get crazy. Charles Hubbard, being completely nuts, created an entire clothing line and website dedicated to declaring Nike is a demonic brand and anyone who wears it worships the devil.

pittsburg-Steelers-Nike-Air-Force-One-Shoes
Ok, now that you mention it, I think Hubbard might be onto something.

Sure, that sounds perfectly reasonable to us as well. His “Tim Tebow worships Satan” website is no longer active, but his famous words have been saved for your pleasure on the inter-web :)

There is a demonic presence with Nike and a temptation that many Christians and non-Christians find hard to resist… some even plead their case to wear Nike… even though it honors the goddess Nike of Paganism… a false religion clearly opposing the One True God and the truth of Christianity.

Because it is demonic… it encourages evil like hero-worship, arrogance, obsession, detestable idolatry and even sex.

These evil messages can be seen repeatedly in Nike advertising.

Wait a sec….did he just say that Nike encourages sex? Hey that explains a lot about professional athletes!! Lets hear some more of what this great prophet has to say.

Tim Tebow tries to benefit from honoring the name of the pagan goddess Nike AND benefit from honoring the name of Jesus Christ – promoting both evil AND good.

Before I share more about Nike, I want to let you know that God has been blessing this site in a huge way! On January 31, 2012, this site totaled a record high of 1,446 VISITORS IN JUST ONE DAY without spending a penny on advertising! Those are incredible numbers!

I am glad his website is doing so well with that 1,446 visitor rampage!! He is going to have to upgrade his server soon. For more of his shenanigans, visit http://www.christiansagainstnike.com. You will notice that all his websites are now stripped and have no content. He used to don great posts on how evil Tebow is and how the halftime show in hell will be HOT!

But wait, there is more!!

The 316 yards he threw in Playoff Game 1 was no accident. He was strengthened by Jesus Christ to show Tebow and the world the blessings that come from honoring the 1st Commandment and not honoring the pagan goddess Nike!

Tim Tebow’s terrible performance in Playoff Game 2 in which he was injured was to show Tebow and the world the curse that comes to those who break the 1st Commandment and honor the pagan goddess Nike. Christ did not strengthen Tebow in that game!

This is all for real folks. Charles Hubbard actually spoke/wrote all these words! I don’t know about you, but I am itching to get me some Love Sportswear. If only he had an order form on any of his websites. Seriously, there is not place to order this junk. How is he going to turn those 1,446 visitors into cash visits without actually selling his product?


5. Fine linen dresses by Lydia of Purple (lydiaofpurple.com)

WARNING!!!!!!
As of August 12, 2019 it appears that the website for lydiaofpurple has been either hacked or abandoned and redirects to pornographic content. The hyperlinks have been removed from this post until further notice.

Lydia was a lady in the Bible who dealt and sold fine purple linens (Acts 16:11-15). The talented women at lydiaofpurple.com have lovingly recreated these fine designs. With your hard earned money you can bypass the shopping mall and get some of outfits.

lydia of purple
Can I get yo digits honey?

 

indian dress
Turn heads with this great design! Your bound to make the boys drop their plows when walking by the fields in this hot new dress!

 

custom dress pattern
Is this an Amish wedding gown?

As I stated earlier, can we please get modest clothing that wasn’t worn by Martin Luther’s mother?


4. Jumpers

Jumpers are maybe the most confusing piece of clothing in existence. First, no one actually wants to wear a jumper. But for some reason they are still mandated in the dress code of many catholic schools. I am not against dress codes….but sometimes dress codes need to be updated to at least the 1950’s. Here is why…..

catholic school uniforms
Oh God, the bad memories are coming back. Where is my Prozac?

We like to think that Catholic schools dress their girls like Brittany Spears…..the picture above is the sad reality for many Catholic schools. Ask yourself; have you ever seen a person wearing one of these voluntarily? Of course not. No one wants to wear these. Yet, hundreds of thousands of girls each year are forced to wear these jumpers.


3. Bloomers

This is not a joke. People are actually wearing this stuff. Not only that, but you can buy them on the Internet. However, like the jumpers in Catholic school, these are usually worn by kids forced to we are them, not by consenting adults.

bloomers
Check out those curves!

 

bloomers plus size
Are these pants or fitted bed sheets?

 


2. Culottes

If you thought that bloomers were bad, may I introduced you to culottes?

culottes pleated
Proof that women can be pirates?
culottes blue
These are athletic culottes?

The thing about culottes is that they are still mandatory at some Christian schools for girls to wear….assuming they are allowed to wear anything that isn’t an ankle-length skirt. These schools are usually affiliated with Bob Jones curriculum or Pensacola Christian College. Many Baptist schools still adopt this style. These school usually are called ACE (Accelerated  Christian Education) schools because they use the ACE curriculum to teach their students.

ACE schools are so fundamental (or just mental?) that they have websites and clubs dedicated to ACE survivors!

http://notsoace.wordpress.com/

http://forum.rickross.com/read.php?14,7041

 


1. Culotte Swimwear

The culottes are pretty awful, but you ain’t seen nothing until you’ve seen culottes swim wear. There is nothing I can say to make these images more ridiculous then they already are. To be fair, I would rather see a girl in culotte swimwear then in a bikini.

culotte swim wear
At this point….why not just wear shorts and a T-shirt?

 

I really wanted to find more of this and was fairly successful but ran into a lot of protected photos. For your amusement you can visit http://www.dressingforhisglory.com/swimwear/swim-culottes/junior-lined-swim-culottes.html

23 thoughts on “Top 10 Worst Christian Fashions And Clothing”

  1. Sorry but disagree with you on the dresses . I mot amish nor mennoite iam a Christian woman raising 2 girls and both of them dress as some of those pictures i live in nd and it is not nice of you to trash talk these things. I would rather my girls dress like these pictures then the way some girls dress even some of the girls in the churches now days

    Reply
    • You should know that stores do sell dresses that were designed this century and are still modest. My wife has a closet full of them. Modesty doesn’t require a person to look like a settler of the wild west.

      Reply
  2. While I agree that some of those culottes were very bad looking, not the culottes, just the choice of fabric, I would like to remind you that some families spend just about every penny they make to send their children to a private Christian school so that their kids won’t be inculcated into Socialism and Communism.

    I was one of those teens. Went to Tennessee Temple because my stepfather was in Seminary. Now, while he was sexually abusing us and beating the hell out of us, my mother was making our clothes because we had to go by their dress code.

    I about froze my daggone rearend off! And I remember wearing dress sandals and short cotton culottes when they got 7 inches of snow. Didn’t have the money for a winter coat. I went to their Clothing Pantry and managed to get a sweater set because I babysat enough to buy it myself. I was so cold while waiting for the bus that a young black lady looked at my hands and said, “You must have sickle cell anemia! See those white spots, that’s how people with sickle cell anemia get when their hands get cold. Their blood and water in their veins separate!”

    Yes, I was THAT cold! My Stepfather couldn’t find a decent paying job, although he did work regular. It’s a wonder we didn’t starve to death!

    So Mr. Jackass with a degree, you must not have learned very much in Seminary! People make huge sacrifices and you think it’s a big joke!

    The one thing I will say about my time in private school is this, although my home life was hell and I didn’t even have a pair of shoes or a winter coat, I still today love culottes and long skirts!

    I feel sorry for these poor unfortunate young girls that can’t afford better looking modest clothing. But seeing as how you are far from acting like a Christian and have no compassion to speak of, you are probably some pervert that prefers to see half naked young girls running around.

    Reply
    • Stephanie, I am sorry that you struggled as a child. I too came from a poor family and was forced to wear terrible clothes by the school I was sent to. It’s partially the reason this post even exists. No one is making fun of the kids for wearing these clothing items. I am making fun of the fact that people are forcing the kids (and sometimes adults) to wear these. It sounds from your comment that you were also forced to wear a few things that you didn’t want to. This is not a post making fun of you for having to wear them.

      I had not even heard of culottes when this post was created. It was a friend of mine who was forced to wear them in Baptist school who complained about them and then showed me pictures. She HATED wearing them. I can see why.

      Are some decent versions of these clothes in existence? Yes, of course they exist. But they are not part of this post because this post is not about good fashion but about bad fashion.

      Also, no one is joking about the sacrifices that anyone made to protect their children from the evils of public schools. Although, I would suggest that not all public school are but, just like not all private schools are good. I am very happy that I was able to go to a Catholic school which was small and safe. However, that doesn’t mean I think that the mandatory clothing was a good thing. I also am not advocating for dressing immodestly. I stated that in the post more than once.

      Lastly, I am incredibly sorry that the person you called your step-father was abusing you and assaulting you. I hope you reported him even if it was after the statute of limitations was up.

      Reply
  3. I dontd think you understand. The bible tells us to dress modest not to attract all the men. Most of the girls this time don’t act and dress that way to stay away from the world. Thwy rather dress to attract the guys and that is wrong. And, these dresses are almost all from the ’80 and ’90. It was the menonites and amish’s way of dressing. I don’t think its right to criticize ’em in this way just because of its their way. Your kind of people (your ancestor) I’m sure they dressed differently
    too then now. So, please understand, it’s theor way and they’re following God’s word on dressing.

    Reply
    • This post was a bit of satire but it’s a bit on the nose. However, I speak for the majority of people in my age group when I say that dressing modest is not the same as dressing 1800s. I suppose the Mennonites should get a pass since the dress this way on purpose…. Knowing that it’s outdated. Having lived among them, however, I can say from experience that most of the younger Mennonite girls would rather wear modest clothing from this century.

      Reply
  4. Thank you for the websites for modest dresses. I’ve been trying to find a site and because you have made fun of these godly families, you have given them more business. Thank you, thank you😊

    Reply
  5. I was searching for modest dress ideas for my daughter and I cannot believe I just wasted my time reading this! I am a member of a Mennonite church and half of the above is considered worldly and immodest! And those people you are making fun of look like people who’d go to my church so it’s very offensive that you’d make fun of others trying to be modest! We wear cape dresses and no, Amish do not wear white for wedding gowns, that’s mennonites. Clearly you completely miss the point about uplifting each other as Paul spoke about.

    Reply
  6. To point a few things out… First of all, you can tell almost all of these photos are from the 80’s or 90’s. Second, you can also tell that some of these women in the dresses are Mennonite. That’s how they dress.
    Thirdly, if you really want to make a difference and lead people TO Jesus and not AWAY from them, maybe you should stop using your platform to degrade and put down others. It’s doing things like that that give Christians a bad name and bad rep. We’re called to love, not to be mean vengeful, angry, vicious and/or malicious to the people we disagree with. Lastly, you should be building your fellow Christians up, not tearing them down. Division amongst fellow believers is the last thing needed when trying to spread the Gospel of Jesus.

    Reply
    • Anyone who grew up in Catholic or Christian schools and were forced to wear this stuff will find the humor in this. There is a way to be modest without wearing cloths from the 1800’s.

      Early in this site’s history we mostly just did satire and poking fun. The site has gone through many changes since then. I realize that people visiting the site these days can be offended by humor they don’t agree with. But if this offends you then you should consider how thin your skin is.

      And no the pics are not from the 80’s.

      Reply
  7. What disturbs me is that you are mocking these people’s choices and yet you have other posts that make it appear that you take Christianity seriously and why do you take God’s name in vain?

    Re: “Oh God, the bad memories are coming back. Where is my Prozac?”

    Reply
    • I probably shouldn’t be so harsh on them. Some of us who grew up in religious settings tend to have a grudge against having to wear this kind of stuff by force.

      However, I don’t think you understand what taking God’s name in vain means….

      Reply
  8. um………. some of this outfits were not good, but the christian conservative outfits are really modest and beautiful. you do know we are to focus not on this world but on heaven. Ya and if your a christian you shouldn’t judge how this people dress cuz i think they are very beautiful and it’s nice that they are selling this things. And i know no one will probably agree with me but that is sooooooo fine with me. God bless

    Reply

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