3 Things I’ve Learned About Politics From Church Sermons

If you have been a Christian for at least one voting term you will know that many pastors and church leaders are pretty serious about voting and associating with the appropriate political party. In fact, if you don’t align with that view you might not be welcome in which ever church you are attending, or at the very least you may receive a partial shunning because of your ignorance of God’s voting preferences.

1. God Is Republican
It’s clearly an undisputed fact that God is a republican. Not only is he a republican but he has all the words to Star Spangled Banner memorized and can sing Stars and Stripes Forever in a single breath. You might not know this little known fact but Jesus Christ got his degree from Bob Jones Cult (University).

How can you be so sure?
For starters, Jesus supported the free market. Think about it for a second; all of Jesus’ disciples owned a small business or hated overbearing government. But what about Matthew the tax collector? Remember he quit his job and joined the pro-life party.

And what about Jesus’ direct opposition to big government? He turned over the money changers, mocked taxes, and even threatened to tear down government buildings. Jesus is clearly part of the tea party’s initial roots. In fact, Jesus was the key note speaker for 2000 years. He just recently gave permission to George Bush, Sarah Palin, and Fox News to take over the Kingdom of God and it’s expansion on the earth.

Democratic-Dinner2. Democrats Are Baby Killers
Fact: Democrats support abortion; period. Are you a democrat? If yes, your a murderer. Republicans  are the only political entity that supports the pro-life movement.

How can you be so sure?
Simple….Glen Beck and Bill O’Reilly said so. I mean just look at all the good things George Bush and his dad did for ending abortion. They……well umm….ok well never mind. But democrats are socialists and socialists hate life, unless they can control it. Just look at China right?

democracy eagle3. Its OK To Kill People As Long As Its In The Name Of Freedom & Democracy
I know that Jesus said not to kill and its part of the 10 commandments and yada yada yada. But Jesus obviously didn’t mean all that turn your cheek stuff.

How can you be so sure?
The ends ALWAYS justifies the means as long as it mean we are granting people freedom. Who cares that we killed more Americans liberating Iraq than were killed in the world trade center. Who cares that the rest of the world hates us because we kill the innocent and take their oil, its all worth it as long as we can give them democracy and then send in missionaries to convert them. That’s exactly how Jesus wanted it.

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