{"id":1764,"date":"2015-08-25T22:38:53","date_gmt":"2015-08-26T02:38:53","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/dustoffthebible.com\/Blog-archive\/?p=1764"},"modified":"2015-08-25T22:38:53","modified_gmt":"2015-08-26T02:38:53","slug":"summary-of-the-entire-bible","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/dustoffthebible.com\/Blog-archive\/2015\/08\/25\/summary-of-the-entire-bible\/","title":{"rendered":"Summary of the Entire Bible"},"content":{"rendered":"

Thanks to an unknown Facebook-er and the Reddit-er<\/a> that reposted this gem, I now share with you, the briefest synopsis of the entire Bible.<\/p>\n

GENESIS<\/h2>\n

God:<\/strong> All right, you two, don’t do the one thing. Other than that, have fun.
\nAdam & Eve:<\/strong> Okay.
\nSatan:<\/strong> You should do the thing.
\nAdam & Eve:<\/strong> Okay.
\nGod:<\/strong> What happened!?
\nAdam & Eve:<\/strong> We did the thing.
\nGod:<\/strong>\u00a0Guys…..<\/em><\/p>\n

THE REST OF THE OLD TESTAMENT<\/h2>\n

God:<\/strong> You are my people, and you should not do the things.
\nPeople:<\/strong> We won’t do the things.
\nGod:<\/strong> Good.
\nPeople:<\/strong> We did the things.
\nGod:<\/strong>\u00a0Guys…..<\/em><\/p>\n

THE GOSPELS<\/h2>\n

Jesus:<\/strong> I am the Son of God, and even though you have done the things, the Father and I still love you and want you to live. Don’t do the things anymore.
\nHealed people<\/strong>: Okay! Thank you!
\nOther people:<\/strong> We’ve never seen him do the things, but he probably does the things when no one is looking.
\nJesus:<\/strong> I have never done the things.
\nOther people:<\/strong> We’re going to put you on trial for doing the things.
\nPilate:<\/strong> Did you do the things?
\nJesus:<\/strong> No.
\nPilate:<\/strong> He didn’t do the things.
\nOther people:<\/strong> Kill him anyway.
\nPilate:<\/strong> Okay.
\nJesus:\u00a0<\/strong>Guys…..<\/em><\/p>\n

PAUL’S LETTERS<\/h2>\n

People:<\/strong> We did the things.
\nPaul:<\/strong> Jesus still loves you, and because you love Him, you have to stop doing the things.
\nPeople:<\/strong> Okay.<\/p>\n

PAUL’S LETTERS PART II<\/h2>\n

People:<\/strong> We did the things again.
\nPaul:<\/strong>\u00a0Guys…..<\/em><\/p>\n

REVELATION<\/h2>\n

John:<\/strong> When Jesus comes back, there will be no more people who do the things. In the meantime,\u00a0stop doing the things<\/em>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Thanks to an unknown Facebook-er and the Reddit-er that reposted this gem, I now share with you, the briefest synopsis of the entire Bible. GENESIS God: All right, you two, don’t do the one thing. Other than that, have fun. Adam & Eve: Okay. Satan: You should do the thing. Adam & Eve: Okay. God: … Read more<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":1765,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[3,273,9,10,17,19],"tags":[704,705,703,702],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/dustoffthebible.com\/Blog-archive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1764"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/dustoffthebible.com\/Blog-archive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/dustoffthebible.com\/Blog-archive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dustoffthebible.com\/Blog-archive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dustoffthebible.com\/Blog-archive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1764"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/dustoffthebible.com\/Blog-archive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1764\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dustoffthebible.com\/Blog-archive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1765"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/dustoffthebible.com\/Blog-archive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1764"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dustoffthebible.com\/Blog-archive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1764"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dustoffthebible.com\/Blog-archive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1764"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}