{"id":1270,"date":"2015-08-17T22:21:44","date_gmt":"2015-08-18T02:21:44","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.dustoffthebible.com\/?p=1270"},"modified":"2015-09-23T09:25:29","modified_gmt":"2015-09-23T13:25:29","slug":"5-bible-verses-that-will-melt-your-brain","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/dustoffthebible.com\/Blog-archive\/2015\/08\/17\/5-bible-verses-that-will-melt-your-brain\/","title":{"rendered":"5 Bible Verses That Will Melt Your Brain"},"content":{"rendered":"

As indicated in the title, some passages simply make little to no sense to the modern reader. Some of them eventually become understandable as time passes and we learn more about the culture in which the people live. However, some passages may never make a lot of sense. Here are some of my favorites.<\/p>\n

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[5] Deuteronomy 23:1<\/h2>\n
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“No one whose testicles are crushed or whose male organ is cut off shall enter the assembly of the\u00a0Lord.”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

OK, looks like we are off to a smashing start!<\/p>\n

There are a lot of rules that God gave to the Israelites. And according to this verse, God demands that if you no longer have reproductive equipment, you’re not welcomed. Yea, that totally makes sense. After all, ……….hey wait a minute, that doesn’t make a lick of sense!<\/p>\n

So, if they have been involved in an ball crushing accident they have no place in the assembly of God? They will either assimilate into another tribe or die in the desert (the place where demons come from)? That makes about as much sense as….. well as much as the next passage in this entry.<\/p>\n

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[4] Exodus 4:24-26<\/h2>\n
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“At a lodging place on the way\u00a0the\u00a0Lord\u00a0met him and\u00a0sought to put him to death.\u00a025\u00a0<\/sup>Then\u00a0Zipporah took a\u00a0flint and cut off her son’s foreskin and touched Moses’\u00a0feet with it<\/strong><\/span> and said, ‘Surely you are a bridegroom of blood to me!’\u00a026\u00a0<\/sup>So he let him alone. It was then that she said, ‘A bridegroom of blood,’ because of the circumcision.”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Ok, so far both verses are about male genitalia. Totally unplanned, I promise! We enter into a scene where God for one reason or another wanted to kill Moses while he was on his way to meet with\u00a0Pharaoh. Just by reading the passage I am\u00a0inclined\u00a0to think that God was ticked off because Moses had not yet\u00a0circumcised\u00a0his son. Ticked off enough that he was going to kill Moses!<\/p>\n

But the really psychotic part is what his wife, Zipporah, does once God begins to pursue Moses. She rushed to grab a flint stone and then\u00a0hastily\u00a0cut off her son’s penis foreskin. Then, like the crazy lady, touches Moses’ feet with it. What that had to do with anything, I have no idea.<\/p>\n

Let us just imagine for a second that you’re Moses’ son. You’re chilling out on the camel skin couch and out of nowhere your dad starts writhing in pain. Then without warning, your mom charges at you with a ritual flint stone and goes right for your junk!!<\/p>\n

\"Exodus<\/a>
Yea, that’s about the reaction I am sure she got.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

OK, let’s recap. God get’s pretty upset if you have no balls. But he will lose his mind and absolutely kill you if you don’t get your junk cut up right! Off to a good start here. Onto the next verse.<\/p>\n

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[3] Leviticus 12:1-5<\/h2>\n
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“The\u00a0Lord\u00a0spoke to Moses, saying,\u00a02\u00a0<\/sup>\u201cSpeak to the people of Israel, saying, If a woman conceives and bears a male child, then\u00a0she shall be unclean seven days.\u00a0As at the time of her menstruation, she shall be unclean.\u00a03\u00a0<\/sup>And on the\u00a0eighth day the flesh of his foreskin shall be circumcised (<–Old news for readers of this blog entry<\/em>).\u00a04\u00a0<\/sup>Then she shall continue for thirty-three days in the blood of her purifying. She shall not touch anything holy, nor come into the sanctuary, until the days of her purifying are completed.\u00a05\u00a0<\/sup>But if she bears a female child, then she shall be unclean two weeks.”<\/span><\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

In the old desert wondering days it was perfectly normal for people to become ritually unclean. So this verse does not seem that strange….. that is, not until God’s new declaration turned out be\u00a0completely\u00a0sexist! Apparently just the fact that women have\u00a0vaginas\u00a0makes them unclean one week out of the month. Giving birth made\u00a0them\u00a0unclean for a week also. Unless, of\u00a0course, she gave birth to a bouncing baby girl. In that case her sentence was doubled!<\/p>\n

\"wat\"<\/a>
wat<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n
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\u00a0[2] 2 Kings 2:23-24<\/h2>\n
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“Then he (Elisha) went up from there to Bethel; and as he was going up the road, some youths came from the city and mocked him, and said to him, \u201cGo up, you baldhead! Go up, you baldhead!\u201d 24 So he turned around and looked at them, and pronounced a curse on them in the name of the LORD. And two female bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the youths.”<\/strong><\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

uuuhhhh, wait a tick. Did the author of Kings just say that the Lord and Elisha just\u00a0triple-teamed a school of young boys with two female bears? Yea, that’s pretty much what just happened. Here is a fun\u00a0quandary: if “SOME” youths are mocking Elisha, why did the two bears end up killing FOURTY\u00a0freaking\u00a0TWO of them!? A bit\u00a0unnecessary?<\/p>\n

\"Bear<\/a><\/p>\n

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[1] Ezekiel 23:19<\/h2>\n
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“Yet she increased her prostitution, remembering the days of her youth when she engaged in prostitution in the land of Egypt. She lusted after their genitals \u2013 as large as those of donkeys, and their seminal emission was as strong as that of stallions<\/strong>.”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

\"Confused<\/p>\n

To be clear, this passage serves as a metaphor for Israel. Having said that, this passage should be banned from Sunday School.<\/p>\n

Comments, thoughts, and slander can be posted at the bottom of this page<\/h3>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

As indicated in the title, some passages simply make little to no sense to the modern reader. Some of them eventually become understandable as time passes and we learn more about the culture in which the people live. However, some passages may never make a lot of sense. Here are some of my favorites.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":1576,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[3,273,691,433],"tags":[676,677,678],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/dustoffthebible.com\/Blog-archive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1270"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/dustoffthebible.com\/Blog-archive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/dustoffthebible.com\/Blog-archive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dustoffthebible.com\/Blog-archive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dustoffthebible.com\/Blog-archive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1270"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/dustoffthebible.com\/Blog-archive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1270\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dustoffthebible.com\/Blog-archive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1576"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/dustoffthebible.com\/Blog-archive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1270"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dustoffthebible.com\/Blog-archive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1270"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dustoffthebible.com\/Blog-archive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1270"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}