I was exploring some different topics on Pinterest when a recommended pin popped up with this text:
“Imagine a man so focused on God that the only reason he looked up to see you is because he heard God say, “That’s her.”
I liked the quote so much that I wrote it on some floral paper and stuck it in my journal.
I’m 34 years old, have an advanced degree, and a job I love. Would I like to get married? Of course! Having a loving and supportive husband would be an answer to thousands of prayers. I’ve talked to God about dating and married since I was 12. Those conversations have ranged from, ‘God, I’m waiting. Where is he?’ to ‘God, thank-you for the wisdom of your timing.’
I can very clearly see a major flaw in my thinking. I considered the man who met all the “requirements” on my “must have” list to be a kind of reward for good behavior. If I attended enough church services, our eyes would meet across the sanctuary during the Christmas candle-light service. If I signed up for enough missions trips, I’d see him landing a plane in a remote jungle airstrip. If I do enough, if I sacrifice enough… Imagine my disappointment when none of these things happened. And follow my flawed thinking to my flawed conclusion: God is withholding His blessings because I’m not “good enough.”
When I was a teen I read books like I Kissed Dating Goodbye and Lady in Waiting. I signed a pledge with True Love Waits when I was 14. Somewhere in the middle of those pages, youth group meetings, and rallies, the desire for the “perfect” Christian boyfriend/husband became my idol. I went to a Christian college where I met the “perfect” Christian boyfriend and that relationship went down in flames (along with my self-esteem). Since then I’ve casually dated, but nothing ever felt right.
I came across the page in my journal where I wrote out the quote. I thought about it for a while.
Then I wrote below:
Imagine being so focused on God that the only reason you look up to see him is because you heard God say, ‘That’s him!’
- I don’t want to wait around passively for a Bible school graduate with a vision for church planting to walk into my Sunday school class with his name embossed on a 40 pound Bible. ‘That’s him!’
- I don’t want my motivation for going on a medical mission trip to Guatemala to be, ‘Maybe I’ll meet him.’
- I want to attend Sunday school because I am hungry for the Word and the fellowship of believers.
- I want to go on missions trips because God called us to be His witnesses.
- I want to read God’s Word and know it deep down in the depths of my soul.
- I want to pay attention to the world around me so I can pray for those in need.
I want to be motivated because I love God. For me, for right now, that is more than enough. Thank-you, God, for Your grace and mercy!
If there’s a man who loves the Lord and is willing to serve along beside me, God will bring us together when the time is right.
Image via Pixabay