Bible College

15 People You Will Meet In Bible College


15. The make-out couple

Even though PDA is almost never allowed on a Christian campus, it never failes that a guy and a girl who never were allowed to date end up dating. Once they figure out how to make out, it’s over. They are going to make out every chance they get. In the lunch room, in the dorm lounges, in the hall way, in the parking lot, and even public sporting events.

14. The groom shopper

Every Christian college has a certain population segment made up of girls looking to get their Mrs degree. They are the ones who take up majors like Sewing (thanks Bob Jones).

The onse that started with you freshman year will get fewer and fewer as they slowly and steadily get married to upper classmen, get married, and quit school to promptly have babies.

13. The athlete that is only there because they got a scholarship

It’s hard to argue with a full ride to college and while most smaller private schools are not allowed to give away athletic scholarships, they find loop holes. That being said, a percentage of your athletes will be jocks and meatheads who only ended up there because it was free. Do not date these people. They do do not care that you are wearing a purity ring or that you kissed dating goodbye.

12. The kooky person who thinks degrading themselves is making a theological statement

When I was in Bible College we had a certain young man who wanted to make statements by doing strange things. He shaved the entire front half of his head once while leaving the back half a few inches long. He also slept in a cardboard box once on the outskirts of the campus to bring awareness to poverty.

No matter where you go, you too will find a strange bird that thinks the best way to bring awareness to something is to do something crazy.

11. The slacker

What really need to be said here. We all know who the slacker is. They show up having not purchased the text books or note taking utensils. They will want to borrow your notes and probably your homework too.

If they ever stop playing Call of Duty they might  even show up for the final. Chances that they graduate are slim. You want to help them get straight but it’s usually a futile effort.

10. Back to school granny

Back to school granny is a person who spent her youger years having a family and working her life away. When she retires she goes back to do what she always wanted to do, go to school.

She will pack a bag full of snacks for every class and often distributes them to class mates. She has small hand made corrections in the margins of the history books. She will also have a bag full of emergency items like wet wipes, tissues, chap stick, Epi-pens, breath mints, and maybe even knitting materials.

9. The goth Christians

I am not sure how goth Christians end up in Bible college since they usually spend most of their time being dark and mysterious so people can see their pain and inner anguish. Once in a while they might venture out during the day light but not likely. All the goth kids I saw in college were art majors and they never graduated. The ones that did graduate were no longer goth once they did graduate.

8. The creepy stalker too shy to ask you out

What do you do if you want to ask someone out but you don’t have the courage to? You stalk them around campus. Get caught staring at them in the class room and cafeteria. You might even start a blog about them hoping they will notice it somehow.

As crazy as this sounds this actually happens and I’ve seen it more than once. The saddest part is that if they were not so creepy  they might even stand a chance if they DID ask them out.

7. The campus celebrity

Every campus has a beauty queen or a drama major that everyone knows and loves. They are charismatic, gorgeous, funny, smart, and everything you wished you were. Sometimes they earned the fame and other times they were born into it. Either way, you will know them when you see them.

6. The perpetual worshiper

This person brings a guitar to every occasion and they will do what ever they can to turn any event into a worship session. The perpetual worshiper might actually come in handy when a real time of worship is needed but usually they will just ruin any house party you have or any game night. They sometimes end up marrying the “groom shopper.”

5. The un-caged bird (or home-schoolers)

We don’t need much explanation for this one. We know the type. Sheltered kids who may or may not have been home schooled and now they are going to cut loose. Their parents though they did a good thing by not allowing their kids to have friends or leave the house without supervision but this just back-fires on them once they reach college and the kids are exposed to a whole new world that they are not prepared to handle.

Sometimes this person doubles as the make-out couple or the girl searching for a husband to save her from having to return home to her parents after college.

4. The future pastors

Future pastors are on every campus and sometimes they are celebrities and sometimes they are complete nerds. You can spot them because they are often correcting people’s theology or challenging one’s deeply held convictions. They think they know a lot because they have had 1 or 2 hermeneutics classes and can now tackle all the problems of the Christian world.

3. The fundamentalist

The fundamentalist is like the “future pastor” on steroids. They condemn anyone who doesn’t read the KJV and they will try to boycott classes and text books that disagree with their fundamentalist views. If they are female they will absolutely have long skirts or a head covering on most occasions and they usually never survive the Bible classes. They often quit Bible college to go to an indoctrination camp like Oral Roberts, Bob Jones, or Pensacola Bible College.

2. The world saver

The world changer has 15 adopted children from Guatemala and wants to make sure every else does their share to save the world. You will see them wearing only TOMS shoes, even in the winter. They will have some strange BPA free water bottle that donates money to planting trees in Brazil. And they spend most of their time dreaming about missions or marrying a missionary.

1. The Missionary kid

This is the person who everyone seems to love. The world saver wants to marry them, the celebrity wants to hear their cool mission stories, and the worshiper will follow them around hoping eventually the missionary kid will support their spontaneous worship session. The groom shopper will also fall for the missionary kid hoping they can have a missionary family.

In ym experience, the missionary kid has no plans of doing missions when they get to college. By the time they are graduating they are preparing to go to Brazil or the Congo on a temporary mission trip that turns into a life-long mission calling.

Having once roomed with a missionary kid I can tell you that they will also find our petty American issues to be laughable. They won’t understand why we complain to much yet have so many comforts. They have seen some real adult stuff and you should probably get to know them.

BONUS: Pastors who decided to finally get their degree so they can be official

This might the least favorite of mine on the list because this person will waste half of the class time arguing with the professor because the professor doesn’t teach something the way they think it should be. These guys think that they are going to college so that they can get a degree to verify that they already know it all. Inevitably in the process they get some of their views challenged and they cannot handle it. Sadly to say, just because you are a pastor it does not mean you know everything. When you get your PhD you can start challenging professors.


 

Comments, curses, and blessings welcome!

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