It’s 3:00AM and you can’t sleep. You scan through all the info-mercial channels and skin-a-max, only to be lured in by a powerful speaker telling you that for just a small seed payment of $32.99 you can be rich. Why? Because the Bible says that God want’s to make everyone rich! You just have to send a check in within the 25 minutes and BAM! You are rich beyond measure!
We all know the scenario. Stations like TBN are always airing different info-mercials for various products that will change your entire life and provide you with a fat wallet and no need for health insurance. Here is the top 5 count down of my favorites.
5. The Faith Seed
(Mike Murdock, Todd Coontz, Oral Roberts & others)
The faith seed is simple. You give a televangelist your money and then you miraculously have more money. This is true because (as Murdock says) “when you let go of what is in your hand, God let’s go of what’s in his hand.” So it appears that God likes to sit around the house with Benjamins in his hands. Not a bad style. I’ll be looking for that to appear on MTV Cribs sometime soon!
- You will be blessed financially
- Your debt will disappear
- You will be blessed in the 58 different types of biblical blessings (according to Mike Murdock)
What is sad about this scam is that its probably the most popular one and the televangelist does not even have a product to sell. They are basically selling a promise or an IOU for a miracle. In rare cases they are willing to give you a 50 cent DVD or audio sermon in exchange for your seed.
Some really ballsy evangelists even go the full mile and offer you nothing in return for a $1000 dollar seed. You heard me right, you give the man $1000 and somewhere somehow money from heaven will be in your wallet.
4. Prayer Packages
(Kerney Thomas & others)
The prayer package is one of the greatest scams ever. The product is simple. You pay someone and they pray for you. It’s a simple transaction. If you don’t believe me just listen to the way Kerney Thomas speaks in tongues and yells into the camera.
You can’t tell me that that doesn’t persuade you just a little bit.
- You will be healed
- You will receive an anointing from God
- You will have financial success
The thing that really sets this scam apart is that it is implying that your prayer is less important than the person being paid to pray for you. Somehow, this guy has a direct phone to God and they are in tight. Meanwhile, you’re just a bad Christian in need of help and God is clearly no listening to your prayers.
3. Prayer Cloths
(Offered by dozens of TV evangelists)
- The prayer cloth has been advertised to do anything from heal people to make them rich. (Personally, I am not buying one until it can make me taller have the tone of a body builder).
- It will cure all ailments
- All your dreams will come true
What is especially ridiculous about the prayer cloth is that it has taken on so many forms by so many evangelists. It is essentially is the amoebae of the miracle scam world. Prefer the Jesus blood red handkerchief? What about a green one? You can have your pick. Get your miracle AND not have to worry about color coordinating your outfit to match. You can get them in any color you desire.
2. Miracle Spring Water
(Reverend Peter Popoff)
First off, Peter Popoff is not a reverend. He just happens to have that title before his name because he decided he wanted it there. In the most classic sense of the term any one titled reverend is supposed to have status in the church, accompanied by the appropriate educational background for said title. Peter Popoff’s only education is in Charlatan University.
Secondly, if we have not learned anything from his failed and bankrupt healing ministry that was un-pantsed in the 80’s then its no surprise that people are buying into this guy again.
- Miracle Spring Water will allow you to have all of God’s riches and blessings bestowed upon you.
- It will heal your body.
- You will receive checks for no reason in large amounts.
- You will have total victory in every area of your life.
In the simplest terms, if you buy this miracle water, you will have all you ever desired. Essentially it’s a genie in a bottle…..except its just water……in a cheap plastic tube.
Popoff claims (as he does with other products) that this water is the “point of contact” for your miracle. I am not 100% sure what people are looking to come in contact with but this product is going to make sure your touching it.
1. Miracle Manna
(Reverend Peter Popoff)
This is my favorite product. Miracle Manna is a square cracker that apparently the Holy Spirit instructed Popoff to make according to Hebrew instructions from the book of Ezekiel. It’s important to note that God’s manna was featured in the book of Exodus, not Ezekiel and no man can reproduce said manna.
“Every bite of this heavenly cake you’ll feel empowered and encouraged to move into all God has for you.”
- Based on the claims from the video, Miracle Manna is cake from heaven that empowers you to do God’s will. Also note that the Holy Spirit instructed Popoff and team to misspell the word “empowered,” which should now be corrected in the dictionary as “empowerd.”
- According to the testimony from fake people in the video, it also causes people to write large checks to you for reasons unknown.
- All your dreams will come true.
I don’t know if anyone else picked up on this but Miracle Manna and Miracle Spring Water do the same thing….and Peter Popoff has a monopoly on whole business of Miracle products. Apparently he does not utilize the amazing power of the prayer cloths but from what I can see, he doesn’t need them.
Televangelists are class-A crooks. Its not new information. We all know it. But when desperation gets intense people will try anything. If I recall this correctly, the Bible never said that you needed to by something from a “prophet” on TV to receive a miracle. If you really need God to do something in your life, just ask him. And of course never forget that God first calls you to serve HIM, not the other way around. Also remember that God helps those who helps themselves (yes I know this is not really in the Bible). If you want money…..go get a job.