Indian Pentecostals?

3 Things In Church Services that Terrify Normal People


If I asked you why some people visit your church and never return you might have some pretty sound reasons why that is. Some of those reasons might even be very deep theologically. You could say, “they just did’t like the style.” Or “they were too Calvinist.” Or even this gem; “they must need a more seeker friendly church.”

However, their are many reasons why a person visits a church and never returns….after telling the pastor that they loved the service and will be returning :)


1. The worship leader’s holy laughter

This seems to only be an issue with worship leaders so far. However, this animal comes out right in the middle of a worship set. Somewhere around the 15th chorus of Holy Spirit Reign Down, the worship leader just starts laughing…….like God just told them a private joke during worship because of their uber spiritual worship.

Meanwhile in the mind of the average male visitor

Huh? What? Did I get ketchup on my tie today? Wait….does this tie even match? I knew I shouldn’t have let my mother pick this out. I wonder if I can still exchange it at Kohl s……. Hey, why is this guy laughing still. Something is terribly wrong.


2. Feeling led to do …. anything abnormal (also called a “new” thing)

Again, this seems to be a worship leader phenomenon. What happens here is that somewhere (almost always on the last song before the end of a worship set) the worship leader will get a spidey sense that worship is soooo not going to end just yet. It has to be POWERFUL before it can end. Because the Holy Spirit is definitely not present in boring worship. Solution? Try something wild turkey crazy. Usually sounds something like this…

“I just sense the Lord leading us to _____enter crazy action mad lib here_____”


3. Crazy worshipers

This, perhaps, has become a nation wide movement. What happens in this scenario is that you are worshiping in a perfectly normal manner and them BOOM!! There is a hand in your face. You turn to your right to see what just happened and Captain Oblivion next to you is reenacting the Titanic boat scene where Jack and (girl too selfish to share floating door) are pretending to fly.

And that’s not the worst of it. Another 15 minutes passes and you can no longer see the words on the screen because who ever is in front of you must have heard the Holy Spirit tell them to start jumping up and down….which makes perfect sense. After all, King David did it (2 Samuel 6:14, 20-23); and anything the great King does we should also…..after all its in the Bible.

What about you? What makes you want to not visit a church? Leave your comments below and we will pray over them TBN style.


 

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